In divorce we tend to focus on the other person and what they are doing or not doing. But in coaching, we turn the attention back onto the client, because your actions as clients are the only thing you can change and the only actions you can control.
If you change your thoughts, you can change your feelings. If you change your thoughts, you can change your life.
Attorneys need credible divorce clients – clients who deal not with the story of divorce but rather the business of divorce; clients who ask relevant questions; and clients who possess sound communication skills and reasonable expectations of the court system. This is what is termed the “business” of divorce. In addition, clients need to recognize the process they likely chose is judicially centered and not client centered, and when called for information, that information be provided as soon as possible to keep the process moving forward.
Divorce has a well-deserved reputation for causing clients to enter a crazy time – when logic, rational thought and common sense are sacrificed at the altar of staying in the “story” – the bitterness and resentment of what happened in the past. This divorce story weaves its emotional threads through every interaction between attorney and client.
No amount of logic, rationality, cajoling or coercion can move a client from the “story” to the “business” end of the divorce spectrum, particularly when the client feels overwhelmed by both the reality of divorce and the frustrating process of it. Before the client moves so far into the story that therapy, medication and/or intervention become options, a family attorney might consider referring the client to a professional divorce coach – an emerging new professional in the divorce arena.
Here are some signs that a client could be well-served by a trained CDC Certified Divorce Coach®:
- They are locked into one option and refuse to consider other possible solutions.
- They refuse to examine any other perspective but their own.
- They are either overly optimistic or overly pessimistic about how things will turn out for them after divorce and such beliefs determine their approach to a settlement.
- They seek relief from their highly emotional state and are willing to pay any price for that relief – by either throwing in the towel or extracting several pounds of flesh from their spouse.
- They lose sight of what is best for the children, using them as pawns in the game instead of being a parent most concerned about their children’s welfare.
Coaching helps the client self-discover the impact of how they filter the information used in decision making and helps them explore other options or shift their perspective to consider other possible solutions. The American Bar Association defines divorce coaching as “a flexible, goal-oriented process designed to support, motivate, and guide people going through divorce to help them make the best possible decisions for their future, based on their particular interests, needs, and concerns.”
CDC® Certified Divorce Coaches are trained to work with clients in even the most trying of circumstances, supporting them in their journey to be the best version of themselves possible, championing their strengths, and putting them back in touch with those values which support them in making the best decisions for their own unique interests, needs and concerns.
Coaching produces transformation in a client’s thought and action to produce a better client. This is the client lawyers seek to champion – clients who both listen and speak effectively, communicate easily and clearly, accept the reality of the divorce process, ask relevant questions, possess clarity about their needs and interests, consider any and all options and solutions, and leave the “story” of divorce behind and take responsibility as a thinking partner with their lawyer in the divorce process.
A divorce coach isn’t an advocate for divorce. Often a CDC Certified Divorce Coach® will also help a client who hasn’t yet decided to divorce, who is grappling with the “should I or shouldn’t I” question, to understand the impact of divorce on all aspects of their life – approaching divorce from an “eyes wide open” standpoint to determine if the tradeoffs and consequences of divorce are the best decision for them and their family.
Becoming a divorce coach is one of the most fulfilling and satisfying career paths you can embark on. If your single most important goal is to support people going through a divorce in not only making their own decisions but making the best possible decisions they can for themselves, their family, and their future – then becoming a CDC Certified Divorce Coach® might be for you.
Our next CDC® Certified Divorce Coach Training and Certifications starts January 10/11, 2023, and runs through March 30/31, 2023.
If you’re considering becoming a CDC® Certified Divorce Coach, you should attend one of our series of mini-training webinars for those who would like to explore more about how divorce coaching plays out in real life. Our next webinar is on Wednesday, December 14th, and is about “Empowering Clients Through Traumatic Events.”
Find out more information and reserve your spot here:
Explore what becoming a CDC® Certified Divorce Coach could mean to you by looking at the information on the website.
Then set up a one-on-one call with one of the co-founders of the Divorce Coaching Intensive to have all your questions answered. We are happy to help you sort out whether this choice is likely to help you meet your professional and personal repurposing needs.
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