Tax Day reminded me that I am in charge of my life. For the first time in over two decades, I got the taxes in on time. No having to deal with the procrastination of my husband. No trying to organize his paperwork so that we could at least just have the information we needed to file an extension for our annual income tax filing. And no more second round of the same to meet the October deadline!
I have become me! I realized that I just kept doing the stuff that needed to be done trying to find happiness. Arguing myself into trying to be happy. And with that came the denial of what I needed to be happy.
I am guessing this isn’t an unusual experience for women over 60. I felt so unheard. After one of my surgeries, for example, I tried keeping everything up in our four bedroom house but I was exhausted. I wanted to find a smaller place, easier to take care of, and all I got was pushback from the man I thought was my partner. He said that he wanted to live out the rest of his life in this house. I felt unheard and unappreciated.
He quit his commitment to be my partner long before I realized that was what had happened. It happens over time and you adapt as it goes. It happens in small incremental ways, and then one day he really quits. The day that I also quit was the day I was cleaning the house. It was a hot summer day – and I was covered with sweat getting the house ready for company. I opened the blinds that lead to the lanai and he was sitting there putting marigold seeds in jars – he had been sitting there for three hours while I cleaned. I opened the door and said I could use some help and the answer was some excuse – but it was really no. I didn’t push it because if he did help he would do it half-assed anyway! In that moment watching him sit there and put the seeds in the jar, I said “I can’t do this anymore”.
A few weeks later, I left the house and went to live with my single brother for a couple of months. When my husband went out of town over a long weekend, I finally moved into my own apartment.
If this story sounds familiar to you, here are a few questions to ask your clients:
- What aren’t you getting from your relationship that you wish you were getting?
- What argument do you make with yourself that keeps the relationship going the way it is going?
- What fear is keeping you from making a decision to change the relationship into something better for you?
Do you want to learn more about how to help your clients to make better decisions about Divorce and to claim their happiness?
Register for our free webinars from the calendar in the sidebar or request a complimentary discovery session to find our of Divorce Coach Training and Certification supports your goals to make a difference with the work you do. Our next CDC Certified Divorce Coach Program starts May 11. Class size is limited to 12 people.
