Just yesterday I got a call from Marie and she was desperate. A big wall had gone up between her and her husband. She was feeling like the relationship was so broken that it was impossible to even have a conversation much less get it back on the right track. She was beginning to resent his presence and was thinking that they had really started to lead separate and parallel lives after he started grad school.
What she was experiencing is the natural relationship cycle which Linda Carroll describes in her book Love Cycles: The Five Essential Stages of Lasting Love. Phase one is Merge when the love bug bites, then Doubt and Disillusionment are part of any normal relationship. People may be seeking help for the answer “Should I or shouldn’t I divorce?” as part of the Decision stage. If not divorce as the decision, then the couple can move into the fifth phase, Wholehearted Love, based on empathy, generosity and accepting the differences.
I find myself frequently as a divorce coach having the “Should I or shouldn’t I?” conversation with clients. I work one-on-one helping them to explore important questions so that they can move forward with greater clarity and conviction. If divorce turns out to be the choice, I can help them get organized for the process, clarify what is important to them and help them sort through the many decisions about parenting, property, possessions, and a new lifestyle.
As a divorce coach I have no attachment to someone choosing to divorce. My intention is to help them remember who they are at their best, so that whatever the outcome of that decision, they haven’t glossed over the disillusion to get stuck in the status quo.
When Marie discovered that this was the exact pattern she was experiencing a great burden was lifted. She was not alone experiencing this pain. She took ownership of her response to her husband and broke through that barrier between them by taking the first step and communicating from the heart. Even though she didn’t really want to, she was determined to give it her best shot of getting to the fifth phase in the love cycle. In a few minutes that wall came down and they are now redefining what that relationship could be based on their individual needs and their combined commitment.
If you would like help clients like Marie through the choice of “should I or shouldn’t I” or support them through the rough spots in their divorce process, I invite you to explore divorce coaching and join our course with a team insightful instructors, mentors, and professionals from all walks of who want to make a difference for those who are struggling at any phase of the divorce process.
Join us for our next free webinar:
We’ll answer any questions you have about any aspect of Divorce Coaching or any aspect of becoming a Divorce Coach. And we will make it a valuable experience so you can take the information from here and use it tomorrow.
The next Divorce Coach® Program starts August 31, 2015, and we are offering a free webinar series to introduce you to the profession of Personal Divorce Coaching.
We look forward to talking with you soon about becoming a Certified Divorce Coach!
For more details about the CDC Certified Divorce Coach® Program, and the classes that start August 31 and Sept 3, visit the website DivorceCoachTrainingProgram.com and click on any of the links there for information or to arrange for a call with myself, Pegotty Cooper or with my partner, Randy Cooper. We have been training and certifying divorce coaches since 2011 and are so fulfilled by the difference we and our 175 graduates, make in the experience of divorce for individuals and for families.