Divorce Mistake: Betting the Farm on Another Relationship

In our CDC Divorce Coaching Advanced Course this week we reviewed the Case Study of a woman who was ready to throw in the towel in the divorce settlement negotiations in favor of a developing relationship. Her husband had blindsided her with a divorce after 47 years of marriage and the divorce had been a protracted negotiation over the already downsized property and the retirement funds.

While this had been going on, the wife, let’s call her Irene, had gotten out of the house to find new ways to spend her time and became part of a volunteer group which provided help for more senior members of a nearby retirement community. There she had met a gentleman that showered attention on her made her feel wanted. And he also needed her as he was somewhat disorganized in his life and had a hard time keeping track of things. Irene loved that he needed her and was happy to have someone to shower her care and attention onto. As they spent more time with her he proclaimed that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her.  This was a welcome relief to Irene since she was feeling very much at loose ends having been a homemaker and wife all of her adult life.

This is a very common situation in divorce – divorce coaches and attorneys alike can attest to the frequency with which one of the divorcing parties runs to another relationship for a variety of reasons before putting their best effort into completing the current marriage. Betting the Farm on another relationship generally is a very unwise decision – but try telling that to the newly in love client! Love is, after all, blind!

Irene came to her divorce coach one session with a sudden change of heart and wanted to just throw in the towel and get the divorce settlement finalized for whatever terms her husband was willing to offer.

She was done with the whole nasty divorce process and wanted to get on with her life which she imagined with her new beau and soon to be husband she announced.

For the coach, this sent up a huge red flag on a number of fronts!  It also sent up red flags for the members of the class where we were discussing this – as well as pushing a lot of hot buttons!   If you were the divorce coach, how would you approach Irene about throwing in the towel and betting the farm on another relationship?  Leave your response below!