Digging in Your Heels – One of the Biggest Mistakes in Divorce

The headline reads “Epic Divorce is Back in Court”.  It took five years, four judges, six attorneys, and $400,000 in legal fees to settle this divorce.

She dug in her heels and argued for what she thought she deserved because during their 18-year marriage she sacrificed her chance at a professional career to take care of their children and support her husband’s career.  In the end, the judge awarded her $1500 per month, significantly less than the initial offer of $5,400 per month and a lump sum of $50,000 that was originally offered but she refused.

Individuals take on this mind-set of digging their heels in during divorce negotiations for a variety of reasons. And they may believe that taking a hardline approach will prevent them from being taken advantage of. This is a strategy that often backfires in one way or another.

No matter which dispute resolution process is chosen, this mistake often happens.  It happens in litigation, mediation, collaborative law and self-represented client situations. Running the numbers, using persuasive arguments, and pointing out the potential dire outcomes often raises the client’s wall of resistance to any other solution which might be recommended.

Our job is to help the client make the best possible decisions for their future based on their particular interest, needs and concerns.  One of the things that divorce coaching doesn’t do is focus on the issues at hand or the problem to be solved. Instead divorce coaching focuses on the client’s thinking, and their shifting perspectives, and other techniques which lead to solutions that serve their needs and interests.  There are additional divorce coaching skills in working with the six biggest mistakes in divorce, like the one identified here, which are counter-intuitive – and they have higher probability of a favorable outcome.
Wouldn’t you like to have a few of these techniques in your toolkit?

If you are unable to attend, you are invited to set up a one-on-one call with one of the program co-founders to ask any question you have about Divorce Coaching or the Certified Divorce Coach Certification to assess how it might give you an advantage in your practice. Here is a link to our online calendar: http://bit.ly/CDC-QAhttp://bit.ly/CDC-QA so you can find the best day and time for a call.