Have you ever been blindsided by upsetting news – like after 15 years of marriage your spouse has decided they don’t want to be married? Or maybe it was being fired from the job you had pursued for years!
Did you have a physical reaction on top of an emotional crisis? Did you lose the ability to think clearly and wondered if you might get swept away by that storm of emotions over the next weeks or months?
Blindsiding someone with your decision to divorce can have negative repercussions for you on many fronts:
- In deciding to end a marriage which is a relationship expected to have some give and take you are excluding the other person from being part of that decision. That would essential declare that that relationship iis a meaningless partnership – and one in which the other person is an unequal participant.
- The other person needs time to adapt to the new reality – to adapt to the transition required to go from married with a future to single with no defined future in the moment. It takes time to refocus and integrate the new reality. If you are the initiator, you have probably been thinking about it for some time.
- Blindsiding someone will do nothing for being able to communicate with them throughout the divorce process. And will probably stir up enough of a storm that you may have to deal with a lot of collateral damage.
- To deal with the feelings of anger and betrayal which ensue from being blindsided, the other person may hire a “bulldog” lawyer who will be more than happy to do battle with you and your lawyer. This will run up the cost of the divorce process by tens of thousands of dollars leaving far fewer assets to be divided between you and your spouse.
- And the real reason – the number one reason not to blindside someone is that you rob them of their dignity. Dignity can be defined as “being worthy of esteem or respect” and it is one of the most fundamental of human needs according to Donna Hicks who wrote the book Dignity: The Essential Role It Plays in Resolving Conflict. Countries go to war over the issues of the violation of dignity. Families are destroyed when the members of that family feel as though their dignity has been stripped from them.
Communication is critical in moving through the divorce process. The ability to have effective two way communication is directly related to whether a person has been treated with dignity or has had their dignity stripped from them by being blindsided by a unilateral decision. There are other ways to protect your assets and better ways to lay the groundwork for divorce than serving papers to your spouse out of the blue.
Upcoming Class Schedule:
DIVORCE COACHING TRACK
Noon – 2 pm ET or 8 – 10 pm ET on Thursdays, with the pre-requisite of Coach Training, starting September 11, 2014.
COACHING FOUNDATIONS TRACK
For those without Coach Training, Noon – 2 pm ET or 8 – 10 pm ET on Mondays starting September 8, 2014.
Getting More Clients for Divorce Coaching – The Easy and Natural Way
Wednesday, August 27, 2014 from 6:30 PM to 7:30 PM
Avoiding the Six Biggest Mistakes in Divorce
Thursday, September 4, 2014 from 8:00 PM to 9:30 PM (EDT)