4 Ways To Turn the Story of Divorce into the Business of Divorce

I know if you have worked with people going through a divorce, you may have been overwhelmed by their story about the divorce.  It can come at you like a fire hose!! Our job must be to put on our oxygen mask first so that we can more effectively keep ourselves from becoming overwhelmed and getting so tied up in the client’s story that at the end of our time together, the client is no further ahead; and we are completely drained!!

1. Get some focus: Listening to the client you may hear 4 to as many as 10 concerns they are bringing to the table.  Pull out all of the threads of this conversation and decide where to start – you can only focus on one thing at a time!
2. Avoid digging into the past. This may seem counter-intuitive but when you are trying to learn what happened, you are taking valuable focus away from what the client most needs right there and then to take the next step forward.
3. Create some self-awareness – helping the client to see the real impact of their actions or decisions on other members of the family. Help them to step back and get in touch with who they are when they are at their best.  Self-awareness is the first step towards emotional intelligence and I think you will agree that the business of divorce could use a good dose of emotional intelligence!
4. Help your client accept the fact that the divorce is happening and their new future is waiting to unfold.  This empowers them to take control of what they want to be able to move forward and build a case for what they need to transition to their next chapter.  If they are in charge of their story, they can focus on how they are going to take the next step and make some well-thought out intentions about how this process could go.