Gregory Lease, ACC, CDC®
Divorce is known as one of the most stressful experiences that a person can endure, often with long-lasting effects. I am convinced that no one gets married expecting to get divorced. We get married in order to experience connection with our mates in a very special way. It’s only when we come to the point of despairing of being able to maintain that connection that we turn to divorce.
I believe that there are no divorces where there is no trauma experienced by the partners. The fact that we married indicated our intent to connect to each other, and everyone has done that to some extent prior to a divorce. So, despite the claims of some that a divorce was “amicable,” I believe that there is an emotional cost to severing that connection. Most divorces, of course are far worse. And the shame and blame that pop up only exacerbate the situation emotionally.
It seems that we try any number of things to mask the pain caused by the failure of a marriage to satisfy, the disappointment of our expectations of connection being dashed. Anger, sadness, bitterness, painful longing, disappointment and depression are just a few of the emotions we feel in this situation.
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As I looked at the situation of those going through divorce and the subsequent effort to build a new, single life, I felt drawn to come alongside those suffering in this situation that needed support and assistance to navigate both the practical situations involved in the dissolution of a marriage and family, but also the deep emotional changes necessary to do so and come through it in a way that was not only characterized by survival, but thriving.
I offer my clients a safe place to process their divorce with all its attendant emotions and consequences, a strong shoulder to lean on and an attitude that says “what is important to you is important to me” as you traverse this chapter in your life. For some, it is the first time they have been really taken seriously, the first time what they say has been heard,accepted and validated. And from that place we build. From becoming the most competent participant in the divorce process, to becoming one who not only survives the divorce but thrives in life.